Damn, Glenn Beck is just riled that any *other* squirrel could be more popular than himself.

You do know that Beck didn’t write Agenda 21. He bought the rights from the author who penned it in 1993.

Only a complete fool who has never ever actually read the New Testament would think that a group of Socialists would want to outlaw the Bible and Christianity. It is actually the devotees of Mammon of which Glenn Beck is a devoted and faithful servant who want to use Christianity in service of Mammon while making sure that no one ever notices what Jesus said about rich people.

This is somehow shocking why? That guy is a right wing squirrel himself, living in a different reality than the rest of the world. Most people that have half a brain know that and he hass lost most of his credibility except maybe in Mormon dominated states like Idaho and Utah who think he hung the moon because he is a Mormon himself. Just goes to show how groups of people that have been trained not to think for themselves will believe anything they are told as long as the right people tell them what to believe.

No surprise that a nut would see squirrels as a threat.

What a hilarious mish-mash of garbage! However, in the words of one of my favorite T-shirts, it “Needs more dragons,” because it certainly has everything else — including the kitchen sink.

We all know that Beck is an attention whore–but how on earth did ANYONE come up with this thing? Let’s see — people are monitored all the time, and females are subjected to invasive examination of their reproductive organs and then forced to wear headscarfs. Gee — that sounds more like some of the crazier elements of the Republican Party and their preoccupation with women’s sex lives.

But I particularly like the part where deformed infants, people who can’t produce anymore, and (just for the heck of it) dissidents are recycled in factories where teenagers labor. That sounds more like Ayn Rand and, again, various Republicans who seek to repeal child labor laws. Of course, they don’t kill deformed infants — they just make sure that they are born and then leave them (and their parents) to shoulder all of the medical costs (I’m not endorsing the elimination of “deformed” infants — but given our messed up system, their care falls primarily on parents after the “life-time cap” is reached — if the parents even HAVE insurance).

And of course the descriptions of non-stop work for barely subsistence “wages” (food cubes, shacks) are also much more in keeping with the desires of some of the more rabid “business leaders,” who seek to bust unions.

Actually — I think THEY are most likely symbolized by the “squirrels” in this story.

Well, Coral Sea, it’s called DARVO.

Satire can be fun.

But I have a feeling it will reach for easy criticism and obtuse charicatures to furrow the brows of unwashed Republicans, rather than true, acid-dipped wickedness that brings such delight.

Translated: chances are it sucks.

CM, that comment was priceless :)

CoralSea, you are right when you really think about it (not that Glenn Beck’s fanbase will, otherwise they will not read something by Glenn Beck) is a picture remarkably similar to 19th Century Capitalism with the added factor that under the Capitalistic system there would be much opportunity for creation of additional maimed people through industrial accidents.

It also makes a lot more sense for uber capitalists to destroy Christianity rather than Socialists. Christianity is much more capatable with Socialism than Capitalism.

It also sounds like it was stolen from numerous dytopian novels – or paranoid Cold War Era rants.

I for one welcome our adorable pouched-cheek overlords.

Nourishment cubes for all!!!

(I’m going to attempt to eat a bullion cube in solidarity.)

Must . . . climb . . . tree . . . worship . . . His . . . Nuttiness . . .

RLT, your timing is about right. It sounds like the woman who actually wrote it was trying to be the Right Wing’s answer to Margaret Atwood, and she sailed over like a wingless lead hangglider. So she sold it outright to Glen Peckerwood, who at least is good at getting attention. You know that the only reason it gets read or reviewed at all is because of its “author”.

Rey’s right. This is a marketing con.

Meanwhile now the good little Beckers will march in lockstep, cheering and jeering all the way as our species heads toward extinction…

U.N., please, please, establish a one-world government and send in your blue helmets. And while you are at it, please microchip Glenn Beck.

Well, I guess it could be a good “companion” piece for those who love Ayn Rand’s impenetrable tomes. Nothing says “Christmas” like a book that excoriates atheists — oh, wait! Ayn Rand was an atheist! Well, at least she wasn’t a communist and really hated them, so I guess that actually probably makes her a Christian. She was probably just pretending to be an atheist so she could reach and “convert” the real socialists and communists. Yeah — let’s go with that!

Well this would have won the Stupidest Thing I’ve Heard All Week Award had I not just had to smack down a Nazi on some other board prior to writing this comment.

“At the novel’s beginning, Emmeline lives with her parents in a tiny space just big enough for sleeping mats and the treadmill-like “energy boards” on which she and her mother must walk interminable hours to feed energy into the Republic’s insatiable power grid.”

So the evil sustainable future government is not interested in reducing power usage. Interesting. What kind of moronic government would consider this to be even remotely efficient?

“There are no books,”

Because we know how much conservatives love books.

“prayer is forbidden,”

Prayer is forbidden, but animals are worshiped. Sounds legit!!

” At night, humans must attend Social Update meetings, where they pledge allegiance to the earth and mindlessly praise the Republic.”

I’m sorry but isn’t this coming from the same group of people who treat the real pledge to the Republic like it’s some kind of sacred national ritual even though it was invented in the 1890s by Christian socialist Francis Bellamy?

“Under the tutelage of her mother, a former high school history and Sunday School teacher who revered the Founding Fathers,”

Like Beck, she probably knows nothing about them.

” Emmeline learns a bit about the “before-times,” when she and her parents lived on a big farm in Kansas.”

Kansas. I can just see all these conservatives who actually live in the suburbs of major cities just fawning over “small town” life in rural Kansas. Many of them have never been to Kansas I suspect. It is the last place you want to idealize.

“But everything changes when it is discovered that Emmeline is of reproductive age. Whisked to a medical clinic for invasive testing which confirms her fertility, she is issued a headscarf – which like all women of childbearing age she must wear whenever she is outside of her living space”

Hmm…So this is how they work in the Islamic angle in a society that forbids the mention of God…but worships animals. BRILLIANT!

Ruslan –

I particularly liked the whole “Kansas-invasive reproductive probe-forced breeding” thing as well as the shout out to homeschooling.

The Kansas thing because Kansas is definitely in the running for one of the most repressive states when it comes to reproductive rights, and homeschooling, since, as you pointed out, one wonders just what our spunky young heroine was taught.

I’m a little surprised that her homeschooling gave her any usable information for her “escape.” No science or anything. And it isn’t as if (based on what I’ve seen of my own homeschooled drone nieces and nephew) that it would have empowered her to think or act independently.

This book really is a glorious mish-mash.

I once attended at “pitch session” for authors to several agents sponsored by Writer’s Digest. The most “out there” pitch was something along the lines of:

“My story is about an alien who goes under the sea and has a sexual relationship with an android and then they came up out of the sea and fought the New York mob.”

That was bad, and a weird mix of genres (none of the agents asked him to submit it to them, instead suggesting that he stick with one genre and setting, at least for his first book), but this new thing is significantly “badder” (I am reluctant to use the word “worse” because somehow, “badder” seems appropriate-er).

On the other hand, if one is snowed in with friends, round-robin dramatic readings from this tome, lubricated by lots of mind altering substances, would certainly make for a fun time.

I could romanticize Kansas, but not for such a reason.

My first love was Dr. Rollin D. Salisbury. I was eight years old, and he had already been dead almost thirty years. His prose, though, was very much alive in his signature work, “Physiography”, which was filled with the most enchanting description of – my favorite- vulcanism (the lava in the crater of Stromboli was described as “much like boiling mush”), and then, my next favorite, glaciation. I have never been able to pass through the Midwest without looking for signs of it: an esker in Southern Illinois, a drumlin in Wisconsin, the old shore of Lake Chicago in Indiana, or the loess and ancient alluvial tilth of the High Plains. He was writing, of course, before continental drift was accepted or plate tectonics was understood at all, but you couldn’t read him without falling in love with the land. We’ve done it some precious bad ruin, but it’ll be here when we have moved on…through evolution to something better, or to extinction.

A curious and disturbing fact, though, is that there seems to be a requirement in the right-wing catechism that was never touched on by even the rankest McCarthyists sixty years ago: animal-hating. This especially applies to wild animals (“…right next to the mashed potatoes”), and cats, who have enough of wildness left in them to enrage authoritarians. I suspect, though, that it applies to all animals in some measure, even dogs, who are currently routinely castrated, even though their sexuality is easily enough controlled with a leash. It carries over, I think, to the right-wing sacrament of the barbecue, which involves the mountainous burnt-offerings of dead animal flesh, and the sacralization of hunting by people who can’t hit a barn door with a double-barreled shotgun. I suspect it’s part of the, “You’re INFERIOR, dammit, I have a right to do anything I want to you, and don’t you forget it!” mindset they have towards everyone else (Note: I do eat meat, even occasionally barbecued: it’s the barbecue *culture* I’m talking about).

It sounds like the recently more radical Adbusters Magazine idea of Utopia. I have a bad feeling I won’t like those ill fitting gray uniforms at all.

Glacial till, I meant to say: no soil is tilth till you till it. (Caffeine. I must have caffeine.)

“ … when animals and nature are valued more highly than human life, all kinds of absurd things begin to enter the realm of possibility.”

Of course, it would never occur to the relentlessly fatuous Beck that the preservation of animals and nature is essential to human life per se and to any intelligent understanding of the quality of human life. So let’s rewrite this claim to identify the real threat, which happens to be the “agenda” that Beck himself tirelessly promotes:

“… when profits and worldly power are valued more highly than human life, all kinds of absurd things begin to enter the realm of possibility.”

“I have a bad feeling I won’t like those ill fitting gray uniforms at all.”

Have comfortable clothes ever stopped you from streaking, Sam?

Rey, on animal suffering, I totally agree. When we begin to differentiate human suffering from animal suffering we are talking about the same thing as finding something different between my suffering and your suffering. Suffering is just suffering…

But on eating meat, I would like to point out that even in the relatively strict tradition of some forms of Buddhism, where eating flesh is shunned, monks routinely beg for their one meal a day. This means accepting meat (or animal derived foods such as broth, eggs or fish sauce) because this is what is offered, and also because not accepting means starvation. One can honor what we eat in various ways, and vegetarianism is just one of those approaches…we live in a carnivorous, predatory plane of existence here on Earth.

Mind you the Jainists — who are the most nonviolent of all religions — even boil their water and consume it within four hours to avoid consuming anything living, even microrganisms, for karmic reasons. There is also, to apply Marx, a real function to this religious practice of purifying the water.

Anyway the important thing for me is intent, and I personally believe this transcends all religious practice. If one intends harm, or is callous to suffering, these are matters of degree. I have found that the right wing is exceedingly callous in all things, including their attitude toward the suffering of other sentient beings. Indeed the glorification of it.

Belittling the compassion of others is a sign of great moral confusion.

Since there are many human beings who cannot assimilate plant proteins, we are going to be somewhat carnivorous, but that does not mean that before slaughter, the poor animals have to be imrisoned in Abu Ghraib-like conditions, tortured, and poisoned. How wholesome is such meat, anyway? I received a livestock catalogue, which advertised that their dietary additives make your calves, lambs, and pigs gain TEN POUNDS A DAY! AND DO NOT HAVE TO BE WITHDRAWN BEFORE SLAUGHTER! Obesity epidemic, anyone? Declining human sperm counts and testicular size, anyone?

Aadila, one could expect squirrel worshippers to be tolerant of nudity in the city and sex in the forest, but most totalitarian regimes are highly moralistic about those types of issues.

It appears that Sam has never read Brave New World where drugs and sexual promiscuity was used as means of socail control by a totalitarian regieme.

And there can be no legitimate question as to what side in this country is “highly moralistic about those types of issues.” Its not the side represented by Glenn Beck who had to put his name on someone else’s riduculous leftover Cold War paranoa freak out.

Sam — yeah, but if the oppressive regime in this book are so enthralled with squirrels, how could they have a problem with the displaying of nuts?

Sorry — couldn’t resist.

An award for Coral, Rey. The people demand it.

Erika,

Most of the conservatives I know are very loose with their sexual morals, one might even say…permissive. And yet they deny behaving like bonobo monkeys the moment a margarita is in hand, and are the first to gossip about others for doing the same.

Coral, you have won the coveted Epigrammy.

Cool! (As are any nuts that are outside today. Damned winter!)

aadila, there is a technical term for the right wing approach to morals: hypocracy.

They want to control everyone else’s morals by force of prison or maybe even death, but reserve the right to do whatever they want behind closed doors. For the right wing, it seems, morals are only for little people.

Aadila, they are permissive towards their usually white, male, “Christian” selves alone.

Most of the comments on here are inane. But, the book sounds interesting. I can’t wait to read it since I find the dystopian genre interesting. That being said, I wonder why a fictional book produced in a free-speech society is on a hate watch……

Wentra,

“Freedom of speech does not mean freedom from criticism.”

No wonder this fellow is a star among right wingers.

Oh, look, little Wentra is back!

Wentra, it’s here because Glen Beck is pretending he wrote it. If not, it would have been indistinguishable from any other used toilet paper.

Wentra, maybe because this fictional book is a screed based upon common conspiracy theories among the ultra right wing who often are white supremacists or general haters.

But most likely because the plot is so riduculous as to be hilarious (its really unfortunate that MST3K is no longer on the air for the inevitable movie version of this garbage) (what’s more embarassing – having written a riduculous book copied from many others – or buying one that someone else wrote and putting your name on it?) a way to show that watching the radical right is not only necessary, it can also be cause for laughter.

Of course, it is also the SPLC’s blog and the First Amendment gives them the right to put whatever they want on it including a hilarious book review of what is no doubt a terrible book :)

Glenn Beck needs a doctor, and a good one ASAP….

As a lifelong Mormon, I am qualified to EASILY AGREE with the comment posted by “Caleb.” Caleb is RIGHT ON. The LDS Church needs to emerge and move forward from its 19th Century beliefs, most of which have been debunked.

CoralSea, there are tropical almonds and coconuts in South Florida who are outside without being cool at all.

It’s fascinating to read all the hate spewed at right wing thinkers and people like Glenn Beck on a website called Hatewatch!!

“Most of the comments on here are inane.”

Really? Tell us why.

” But, the book sounds interesting.”

As a glimpse into right-wing schizophrenia? Absolutely.

” That being said, I wonder why a fictional book produced in a free-speech society is on a hate watch……”

What aadila said…

Actually, I think it would be REALLY fun to throw this book to the wolves at some fan fiction convention. Science Fiction fans are especially known for their rabid attention to detail and their ability to sniff out both inconsistencies and poor adaptations or “borrowings” from other works since they read a lot. I would love to hear a critique session on this lovely piece. Science Fiction fans tend to be about 30 to 50 IQ points higher, on average, than the typical Beck fan, and a lot more discerning.

I have a few friends who are travelers in that world. I’ll have to see if they might be interested.

No, Adam. We don’t hate Glen Beck. We observe him with a mixture of amused contempt and genuine concern for his sanity.

Rey, I thought coconuts were oilseeds. Which is not to say one shan’t air their oilseeds in public, local ordinances and weather permitting…which if I understand correctly, in Florida, they generally do.

Erika, since I lack Rey’s moral courage to pursue novels and instead have devoted myself to screen writing, my professional view is that if this book does make it to screen it will be the lowest budget, non-rated, straight to video schlock since Battle of Los Angeles.

Just in time for Christmas…the fruit cake that never goes away, just keeps coming back around…Glenn Beck.

Adam honey, since you do not seem to know the diffrence between hate and criticism, by your own definition, you are a hater.

Just look at what you said: “right wing thinkers and people like Glenn Beck”

That obviously implies that Glenn Beck is not a thinker which is criticism of Glenn Beck so ergo by your definition that criticizing a right winger makes one a hater, you are obviously a hater. .

Somewbat approrpriate to this topic i got a call from a truly bizarre poll last night. Now, for some unknown reason i constantly get called in polls (probably because i actually answer the questions no matter how ludicrous – and um, i actually love getting the bizarre poll questions because i think they are hilarious) but this one really took the cake for sheer insanity.

The topic of this poll was mass disasters and “doomsday prepping” – the questions were actually sort of hilarious asking things like wheter you believe there could be a global nuclear attack in the future (answer is obviously yes since anything which is technically possible *could* happen) and a whole lot of things about eletromagnetic pulses whatever they are. You could not make something so bizarre up and i really could not figure out exactly who came up with this things (the call from the poll asking my opinion of Donald Trump as a presidential candidate made more sense – i mean, it was likely a vanity poll funded by Donald Trump himself). Maybe this was some sort of bizarre promotional push for that Doomsday Preppers show? Of course, Glenn Beck who is a conspiracy nut preaching doomsday himself could be behind it.

Maybe it was a push poll funded by the tinfoil sales industry to increase sales of tinfoil hats :)

It was hilarious – obviously i still have a problem with laughing in inappropriate moments ;)

aadila, in a perfect world Ed Wood would still be alive to direct it :)

Brave New World is interesting but of course it is fiction. According to the supposedly factual movie “Before Night Falls” the new Revolutionary Government of Cuba started out being very tolerant of Gay people, but turned moralistic and persecuted them within a relatively short time. As I understand it, Gay people have it rough in the New Improved Russia as well. On the bright side, maybe I will be able to find work sewing gray uniforms for squirrels.

How can anyone be ‘pulled in ‘ to believe anything that Glenn Beck says, writes, thinks [?]—-only people who are ‘unsettled within themselves ‘ are open to ‘anything that comes ‘down the pike’ —and find the ‘ones’ who are peddling these wares —miracously almost seem to even look like them —-’forboding and beady-eyed’ —-watch out , stay away from this ‘pike’ ——–the flamingo from silver lake ohio

Listen, Aadila, the only person who could have diected *this* movie was the late Mel Brooks.

On the bright side, Erika, we still have Will Ferrell to play Glenn Beck.

Sam, sweetie, so is this book, but the “bread and circuses [and brothels]” of the Roman Empire were very much real.

Sparta also was real if you want another example of a totalitarian regieme that was very supportive of homosexuality.

Rey, if only Bialystock and Bloom were real to produce it :)

aadila, while Will Ferrell seems perfect to play Glenn Beck if i am remembering correctly that hel played the crazy Nazi guy who wrote Springtime for Hilter in the remake of The Producers, because he was very good in that role, he is likely much too high budget for this production.

I read the first book in the Left Behind Series. That was excruciating. This sounds worse. I appreciate the summary.

@ Adam, hate is not being directed at Beck, ridicule is being directed toward his latest literary offering. It is a subtle difference, I understand.

I see that Sam has returned, offering his 2 Kenyan Farthings with this observation: “Brave New World is interesting but of course it is fiction.” In my six decades on this planet I have never seen it placed anywhere but the fiction section of the bookstores, but in the Bizzaro libertarian world it might be advertised otherwise.

Sam, given the U.S. has a prison population rate that exceeds that of the worst moments of the U.S.S.R., I don’t see why you equate totalitarianism with anything other than the status quo in America. i.e. free market slavery called wage labor.

We are also the execution capital of the world, rank low or last on various issues of rights (such as support for mothers of newborns in the workplace), and have been harvesting ill will around the world as a genuine menace since Hiroshima.

Now if it is the merely color of the uniforms that bothers you, and not the color of tyranical empire, I see no reason why a socialist dystopia could not have a bit more fashion sense and make peach velour jumpsuits the standard garment of the people.

“It’s fascinating to read all the hate spewed at right wing thinkers and people like Glenn Beck on a website called Hatewatch!!”

Beck is a thinker? It seems to me he’s a con man.

Aadila, peach velour soils and wears out too easily for work use. Night attire, on the other hand…

And Sam, it speaks volumes that you are completely ingoring the practice of prostitution which has frequently been tolerated and even encouraged in totalitarian and authoritarian countries. In the most extreme example, both Nazi Germany (see “Joy Division”) and Imperial Japan (see “Comfort Women”) used forced prostitution of women to provide a diversion to their troops.

Legalized and forced prostitution has been frequently used as a means of social control (especially of women) by totalitarian countries throughout history. In fact, if you look as a historic matter, it is really only once you get to the Protestant Reformation and especially the Puritans where you really see heavy religious objections to prostitution (in Biblical times as documented by the Bible itself, prostitution of women generally from other cultures other than Hebrew was common – much of that prostitution appears to be forced prostitution).

That you ignore that says to me that you simply do not care about the treatment of women and in many cases children because if you did, you’d know that totalitarian regiemes do not tend to be highly moral in their views and enforcement – quite simply loosened morality (such as by tolerating or encouraging prostitution) can also be a strong means of social control (again, especially of women).

In any case, even in totalitarian regiemes as history (and the present) shows morality has always been only for little people. The wealthy elites have always been able to do whatever they want to.

aadila, a minor correction – while most conservatives (including some conservative Democrats such as those in the Obama Administration) would like for the U.S. to be the execution capital of the world, China is killing way more people than we are (even adjusted per capita).

What is interesting though in that in many eastern cultures, it is considered much worse to keep a man (or a woman) in prison than to kill them – it is only the U.S. which has the odd notion that its less severe to keep a person in a cage where they have no rights and are subject to horrific abuse by the guards and other inmates for life is not as bad as being killed.

That is when you think about it an odd notion especially when most of the people who tend to spout it are also the ones who most loudly proclaim this to be a “Christian nation.” However, if you are really a Christian and really have faith, you should not fear death. You should also not kill another person – Jersus’s teachings are quite clear about that (naturally, promoters of that theory will point to the bloodbaths documented in the Old Testament never mind that they claim to be followers of Jesus). It also seems odd because a Christian should believe that even the worst sinner can be redeemed and turn their life around.

The only conclusion i can draw from the Christian support for execution is that the people who want to proclaim their Christianity the loudest lack faith in God. They simply do not believe the teachings of Jesus and simply do not believe in the religion they so loudly proclaim.

It is also notable that many of these same people also seek to regulate everyone else’s sexual morality – they are the ones who seek to ban homosexuality and claim it is a choice. They also seek to regulate what people can do in the bedrooms and really seem to want to ban all sex outside of a forcible arranged marriage.

They also are the ones who most loudly beat the war drums and want to show their manhood through killing defenseless animals. They parade around with guns – again claiming their faith is in Jesus and trying to enforce Christianity at gun point (apparently they missed the part where Jesus was referred to as the Prince of Peace and they obliviously have never heard the Beauitudes).

All of these things are likely connected since they all of their roots in inseucurity – since the people claiming this are primarily male one can discern what the source of their insecurity ultimately is (which is why while they oppose distribution of birth control even for medical purposes by private insurance companies they are totally in favor of Viagra and Cialis being distributed).

That is the ultimate root of the support of the death penalty and many other things – insecurity primarily by men (and women married to nsecurie men). The loudness of the proclaimations of Christianity (as well as the desire to force their particular brand of Christianity on everyone else) is no difference from them wanting to have a fully automatic AK-47 for “personal protection” or to have total male domination of society where women have no rights and are essentially property of men. Rush Limbaugh even advocated forcing women to get married yesterday. Talk about the poster child for male insecurity.

It all is part and parcel of the same thing.

On another note, i’m fully in supportive of the peach velour becoming the official uniform especially if during the hot months women are allowed to choose to wear peach bikinis instead of a jump suit and for equality sense, if men like Sam choose to they can substitute a peach Speedo. That might also help the cause of reproduction ;)

Aadila, I also write screen scripts. If we could only muster the hardihood to read this thing…

The first commandment of Glen Beck: Thou shalt have no other squirrels before me…

@Reynardine

The “late” Mel Brooks? That had me in a panic for a moment. Happily, it appears he’s alive and well and still making live appearances on Conan (and elsewhere).

The original version of this blog did include a reference to Ed Wood, who sadly, is “late”.

Leah, I am glad he isn’t “late”. Then he needs to get back to work- on this thing. Only he can do it justice.

This concern about squirrels may well explain why Glenn Beck was so concerned about ACORN

Of course, Erika. The Great Squirrel, Before Whom There Can Be No Other, considers himself too exalted for such offerings. He wants prime papershell pecans and ice-cream grade walnuts. Of course, the nuts he gets are already cracked.

Worshipping a squirrel cannot be any crazier than wearing magic underwear. Just saying…

Worshipping a squirrel cannot be any crazier than wearing magic underwear. Just saying

Symbolic underwear would be a more accurate term. And less of a straw man representation of the practice.

Gina, the only legitimate symbolic underwear is the peach underwear worn by members.of the movement to bring radiant joy unto the world

Regardless of what you call it Mormon underwear is just another money making scam by a money making cult that views women as being second class members.

Erika thanks for the correction. Looking at the list of death penalty leaders, we’re in the company of pretty much every country we say stands against what we believe in as Americans.

As to Mel Brooks, I wasn’t even aware he was sick but am glad to learn he is once again in fine fettle.

So my updated A-team for the film project includes: Will Ferrel as male lead, Mel Brooks directing and Roger Corman as producer (i.e. of “Sharktopus” fame, a film I am sure everybody got a chance to see and enjoyed for the high quality work it is).

As for me having bought the one mysterious Arizona powerball ticket, I plan to go into hiding and become a Republican. With or without peach velour.

Symbolic underwear. Is that what we’re calling the stuff with a thread count of one these days?

aadila, sometimes a peach bikini is just a peach bikini :)

“According to the LDS Church, the temple garments serve a number of purposes. First, the garment provides the member “a constant reminder” of the covenants they made in the temple. Second, the garment “when properly worn…provides protection against temptation and evil”. Wearing the garment is also “an outward expression of an inward commitment” to follow Jesus Christ.[8] General authority Carlos E. Asay adds that the garment “strengthens the wearer to resist temptation, fend off evil influences, and stand firmly for the right.”[9]”
^[15]

Right, Gina. Symbolic.

As a guy with an MFA in Creative Writing, I’m kind of astonished that this book got sold. The only reason that happened was because Glenn Beck put his name on it, and he and the real author see dollar signs and publicity for their political causes. Had Glenn Beck not been on it, this book would have had to be self-published.

Well, I’m not surprised…Snooki’s autobiography will fetch her $2 million. She can tell us about the bars she has been kicked out of. Britney Spears earned a like sum for not one but two semi-autobiographical novels about a young singer who gains fame under the leadership of her mother. And Debbie Gibson “penned” a memoir at age 19, giving tips to young women on how to be a famous singer.

And the ultimate celebrity book: “Vanna Speaks” by Vanna White. It has such vital information as telling us how to knit an afghan, that she eats a light lunch before a heavy dinner, and that her faith in Jesus enabled her to cope with success.

I’ve seen “Vanna Speak” on sale on the $1 tray…right next to books about how to survive the “coming” Y2K disaster. They were pretty popular in 1999,too.

Gregory,

The whole Mormon underwear thing was news to me, so I also checked out the Wikipedia entry. You might have mentioned that Wikipedia provides photos of said underwear, which looks more or less like a 1950s gym suit or possibly a 1904 Olympic track suit and presumably is sold by Queen Victoria’s Secret.

I had a little trouble with this line: “Wearing the garment is also ‘an outward expression of an inward commitment’ to follow Jesus Christ.” Undergarments aren’t usually “an outward expression” of anything, unless you’re Madonna.

Zoroastrians wear a red cord around their waists for somewhat similar purposes of reminding them of their religious commitments. Zoroastrian priests were the original “magoi” and likely the three “wise men” who came from the East to witness the birth of Christ; in other words, magicians. So a lot depends on how one defines “magic.”

Kiwiwriter,

I’m not convinced that “Vanna Speaks” is the ultimate celebrity book. Paris Hilton’s little friend Nicole Ritchie got two novels published simply because she was Paris Hilton’s little friend. One of them made it into the top 40 on the NYT bestseller list.

Gregory, it sounds like from the stated goals what the LDS really want are chasity belts.

Given the history of the LDS cult as being an excuse for temple leaders (i prefer the term “icky pervs” but what is known in the rest of the world as “dirty old men”) to have sex with as many teenaged girls (“wives”) as possible it is pretty clear who would have control over the key.

Erika,
The phrase that amuses me the most in that Wiki citation is “Second, the garment “when properly worn…”. When properly worn? That is the sort of caveat that a con man like Joseph Smith would use when selling snake oil to the rubes.

I suspect that “properly worn” means you keep it on outside the bathroom, but given that the original model was split-crotched, I don’t think it would have done much for you then, either. The current ladies’ models would make good shorty pajamas, though.

rey, most women seeking “magic pajamas” have a much different goal than the Mormons

True, but at my current stage and age (LXIX, you know), “magic” would be sheetless sleep on a hot summer night without mosquitos landing on Mount Buttmore. When I was after magic, I wore either white lace bikinis or nothing at all (at least a decade and a half back, admittedly)

By the way, rumour has it that Glenn Beck is starting a production company for low-budget, straight to video conservative schlock in partnership with Vince Vaughn and Peter Billingsly.

Only in America could the shrinking elite go to such elaborate means to protect the plutocracy as to fund and fluff an enterprise such as this.

Aadila, did you just say that, or is my flu proceeding to the delirium stage? (Please, please, let it be delirium. There’s a three foot tall frozen black cat in my fridge. He’s eating the Keebler fig penguins).

Nope, confirmed by this point. I thought it was just trade talk but no, it is indeed true. Glenn Beck is planning to produce schlock.

I don’t understand exactly why Vince Vaughn is involved (for those who don’t follow the many incomprehensible doings of hollywoodland, Vaughn now runs Wild West Productions), except that he’s involved in production now, and I also don’t quite get how Billingsly (of Christmas Story fame) is involved.

Apparently they plan to do something in a reality show or documentary format but you never know how these things are going to pan out.

i believe we can reasonably predict that regardless of what they produce it is likely to produce appropriate fodder if MST3K ever returns to the air.

Although i have to say that when i actually tried watching the Glenn Beck Show expecting to see a train wreck based upon all of the crazy, i was dismayed to discover that not only was he crazy, he also managed to be boring. i really had no idea that total insanity could be transformed into such utter banality. Although, one somewhat funny thing is that it was one of those episodes with David Barton talking about “history” of the founding fathers something about the women of the revolution (i do not believe that Abigail Adams would approve of them) so it looked like they brought in every female intern at Fox News (or News Corp) to have a sufficient number of young women to be his audience (and come to think of it, they all even when asking the no doubt canned questions managed to seem totally bored and uninterested).

So maybe i did observe a train wreck – just an extremely boring one. So i kind of have a feeling that the movies they produce will make “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” seem well thought out and interesting by comparison.

And you have to marvel at the top one percent’s thinking – if an entire news network (admittedly about the most amateurish and inept news network imaginable) and billions of dollars worth of negative ads couldn’t lead them to victory, how will bad direct to video movies (does that Right Network that Kelsey Grammar was trying to set up still exist?) which i fully expect to rival Mike Huckabee’s painfully bad (in every possible way) American “history” propaganda cartoons for children for ineptness.

CM:

I was not aware that Nicole Richie got two novels and one to the Times’ top 40 best-seller list, based on her connection to Paris Hilton. I shudder to guess what they are about.

The scary thing is realizing that Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton would get better seats in a restaurant than Charlotte Bronte, Geoffrey Chaucer, and Emmanuel Kant.

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