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‘Patriot’ Paranoia in Overdrive

By Ryan Lenz on December 12, 2011 - 3:59 pm, Posted in Patriot Groups

The federal government is spying on Americans stockpiling food and asking U.S. soldiers if they will detain American citizens when the time comes. In job advertisements, the government is seeking jackbooted New World Order thugs to staff secret domestic prison camps. An  examination of archival photographs has finally solved the mysteries of the JFK assassination. And the conclusion? Lee Harvey Oswald was innocent.

It’s been an imaginative few days in the funhouse of the antigovernment “Patriot” movement.

On Monday, conspiracy monger Alex Jones’ website Infowars featured this banner headline: “Army Post [sic] Jobs for FEMA Camps.” The accompanying story said that the federal government had begun hiring security guards for those secret prison camps the Patriot movement has long feared to be in the works for Americans. Elsewhere on the site, Infowars had posted a story from offering a wholesale debunking of the official account of the Kennedy assassination with the help of archival photographs.

But the most far-fetched story came compliments of the antigovernment Oath Keepers, which late last week claimed to have gotten a tip that FBI agents had stopped by a Mormon food cannery in Tennessee to demand a list of citizens stockpiling food in case of an emergency. By Friday, the tip had blossomed into a full-fledged commentary on what it all meant for the future of freedom.

“This event points to a new level of federal government encroachment on the basic freedoms of the American people,” Oath Keeper Rand Cardwell, the Tennessee chapter leader, wrote. “This should be a red flag to all Americans.”

But, as it turns out, the red flag wasn’t much of anything. The story wasn’t even true.

Surprisingly, within 24 hours, the Oath Keepers had removed the story and posted a rare apology and brief explanation of how they, the self-professed “Guardians of Freedom,” had let their guard down. “We get all kinds of scary intel, all the time, and we rarely pass it on because we don’t have confirming documentation. In this case, we were relying on a confirmed eyewitness who is now denying it,” the Oath Keepers said.

It wasn’t the first time the Oath Keepers were wrong.

Last August, the Oath Keepers stormed into the tiny town of Quartzsite, Ariz., with the proclamation that a small-town political scandal had become the “pivot point” for the New World Order, a supposed plot by shadowy elites to subjugate the freedom-loving masses under a socialistic world government. A day later, after the fanfare had faded, the group skipped town with no mention of the line they vowed to hold. (It turns out some conspiracies don’t hold water, and this was one.)

So, what can we expect on the horizon from the Patriots? Black helicopters spying on citizens? Chemical trails from airplanes to control the population? It’s hard to say, but one thing is clear: the Patriot rumor mill is churning away and no story is too loony or paranoid for the true believers.

  • Peter Hockley

    I think what they were trying to say, was about the plot above and that the economic mess we’re in at the moment is planned.
    Bum, I’m getting far too good at interpreting what total weirdo’s are posting!!!!!!!

  • Juan Rangel

    ? Hehehe ?

    All of these conspiracies get to be too much to handle.

    I don’t want to even imagine how these guys sleep at night, considering there are dangers all around them?

    It is almost like living with a “Meth” or “Crack” addict who wakes up in the middle of the night, looks outside the window and thinks they are seeing shadows or someone coming to get them in the middle of the night.

    Too much “paranoia”.

    Then they haven’t even scratched the surface with the 2012 end of the world scenario. Hehehehe

    *Beeeeeeeeeh* Yes, I’m a sheep.

  • Donna Sims

    Loony is the regular order of the day where I live, with one of those Oath Keeper “Patriots” holding regular training sessions for the North Georgia Militia here. Wouldn’t you just love having a delusional paranoid making all of the decisions for your neighborhood and making rules he can hold over the heads of anyone who opposes him?

  • WMDKitty

    @Peter Gatliff — if it was planned, it was planned by Republicans and their religious whack-job followers.

  • Aron


    Care to try that again? I couldn’t really make out what you were saying through all that CRAZY.


  • Peter Gatliff

    What your seeing people is the revamped “Business Plot,” on Google, of 1934. The over throw of the US Government by the Wall Street bankers , the Elite and the Republicans. Check out the Dickstein-mcCormack House Committee On UnAmerica Affairs report. The Republicans sent an lobbiest to Nazi germany to have a Coup of FDR and the Government. The reason. Banking Regulation,, SSI,Labor Laws protecting workers and unions and free speech. We are living in dangerous times. I have never seen or heard a Democracy over thrwon in good economic times. This deppression palnned.

  • Ruslan Amirkhanov

    Yes Woland, I recognized your name. And yes, we’re all sheep compared to you, the one who has learned great esoteric truths from Youtube and various internet forums.

  • Gregory Peterson

    Is this the Woland of which you speak?

  • Woland

    To All, You are truly the sheep.

    Ruslan, Do you not recognize my name?

  • ruben

    woland it seems that the only people who need to worry about the federal government coming to take them away would be people who should worry about being taken away….do you fit that description?……if you ain’t tucked away in a hidden camp in the woods making pipe bombs,arming yourself to the teeth for a fictitious revolution,calling for the overthrow of the government,not paying your income taxes,refusing to respect or getting into shootouts with real law enforcement or just basically being a threat to this nation you need not worry about being taken away…but if you think that this applies to you then it is time for you to start worrying.

  • CM


    In the real world — where right-wing extremists blow up churches and office buildings, murder doctors and minority members, and generally spout feverish, hate-inciting, violence-inciting nonsense — I’m expecting the federal government to help protect me from you.

  • Ruslan Amirkhanov

    Yeah, Woland, I’m sure the “Patriot” movement will do a bang-up job of defending Americans from the Federal Government. And after their inevitable victory, they will legalize drugs, gay marraige, and create greater freedom for religious minorities and women seeking abortions.

  • Woland

    So, brave Ryan Lenz, if the Federal Government ever comes to take you – who do you expect will defend you?

  • Gregory

    You forgot to mention the UN troops that are hidden at secret locations throughout the United States, ready to implement the NWO’s orders. There are supposedly regiments of foreign troops with armoured vehicles and artillery and, presumably, all the billeting and logistical support necessary to keep them combat ready. I first heard this nonsense in the early ’90s, yet in the time since then there have been more reports of Bigfoot sightings than these nefarious agents of the Bilderbergers/NWO/Illuminati/Whomever.